By: Monique Wells, Perimeter School Parent and Marriage Intensive Therapist

At Perimeter School, we strive to equip our parents as they educate and encourage their children. And we know that having healthy and godly marriages helps us as we navigate parenting and educating our covenant children.

In light of Perimeter Church’s To Love and to Cherish marriage seminar coming up on October 3, we reached out to Monique Wells, a Perimeter School parent and marriage intensive therapist, for some practical ways to strengthen our marriages … with the hope that you will continue to invest in your marriage.

Loving Out of an Overflow

In Mark 12:29-31, Jesus replied “The most important [commandment] is ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

“Love my neighbor as I love myself.” The implication here is that I am loving myself. But how do I do that?

I would suggest the prior verse gives us some direction. We have the opportunity, and dare I say permission, to love ourselves emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Take an inventory of how you are doing in loving yourself. Thinking of a tank, ask yourself how “full” you are as you consider each area of your life. Give each category a score of 1 to 25 to measure how well you are doing.

How am I doing EMOTIONALLY?

Lower numbers could resemble comments like “What feelings? I am so emotional all the time because my emotions control me. I move past grieving and sad things. I don’t like to feel pain. I react easily.”

Higher numbers could look like “I have healthy relationships. I feel joy and sorrow and navigate them well. I can name multiple feelings.”

How am I doing SPIRITUALLY?

A lower score could be “I don’t remember the last time I prayed, read my Bible, worshipped, attended church, etc.”

A higher number would include a close relationship with God, regular prayer, Bible study, worship, reliance on the Holy Spirit, etc.

How am I doing MENTALlY?

Lower scorers typically have racing or negative thoughts about themselves, others, and situations … not able to rein in certain thinking.

Higher scorers can redirect negative thinking, learn new things, and challenge their minds.

How am I doing PHYSICALLY?

This one seems the easiest to measure. How are your eating, sleeping, exercise, and water consumption habits?

Now, add your numbers and give yourself a score out of 100. So how are you?

Plan a date with your spouse and talk about it. Give yourself (and your spouse!) the freedom and permission to care for yourself. Put it on the calendar. Set a line item in your budget. Find accountability in these areas.

By taking care of ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance to show up in our marriages with the ability to love out of an overflow to our spouses.

No matter what our spouse is or is not doing, and with reliance on the Holy Spirit, we can strengthen to our relationship in this way.

Fill up! So that it can overflow into your spouse in a loving and connecting way!