Listen Well

When our children speak from their hearts, let’s listen well.

By: Jeremy Case, Head of School

Last week our faculty and staff had the pleasure to hear from Kathleen Edelman, author of I Said This You Heard That, about how our temperaments inform the ways and words we use to communicate with others. Our lives are changed by the conversations we have because the words we say and the words we hear have power. We spent time reflecting on our unique designs and wiring and how, as Paul encourages us in Ephesians 4:29, we should speak kindly and listen selflessly and intentionally.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Busyness crowds out deep conversation

It got me thinking about the conversations in our classrooms and in our homes and how well we as teachers and parents connect with our children through meaningful conversations and intentional listening.

It is easy for us as adults to confine communication to our ability to convey content and articulate our thoughts, desires, and feelings. Yet, I believe the more valuable piece of communication is listening to and understanding the heart-level needs and desires of others.

Even thinking about my conversations with my family, I’m convicted about how much of my communication can be transactional.

• Did you finish your homework?

• Will you empty the dishwasher?

• What time is basketball practice?

Our busy schedules compound the difficulty of listening well and creating the opportunity for real, heart-to-heart conversations. Even good activities can create noise to drown out the ability for deep conversations. Yet, the proclamation of Jesus’s coming brought the promise of what the fruit of the gospel brings to our families - connection.

Turning our hearts (and ears) toward our children

“… and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready for the Lord a people prepared.” (Luke 1:17)

The gospel turns the hearts of parents and children toward each other. Our covenant families and school community thrive when we rely on the Holy Spirit to speak kindly and listen thoughtfully. Both, in unspoken ways, communicate love and value and leads to true fellowship and joy.

Proverbs is full of the wisdom of godly communication and the need to provide the space, time, and desire in the busyness of life to connect. Even a few simple questions can turn a transactional conversation into an intentional opportunity to hear the heart of your child.

So, instead of just asking:

Did you finish your homework?

• Add: What is the hardest thing about school right now? Is anything making you anxious or nervous? Why?

• Add: What are you most curious about or want to know more about? Why?

• Add: Now that you’re finished, if you could do anything in the world, what would you choose? Why?

Will you empty the dishwasher?

• Add: Hey, while you’re doing that, think about what you would do if you could make yourself invisible. I’d love to talk about that when you’re finished.

• Add: What’s the one thing you love most about our family? What’s the one thing you’d like to change about our family? Why?

• Add: What’s one question you’d like to ask God? Why?

What time is basketball practice?

• Add: What makes a good teammate? Do you think you are good at those things?

• Add: What would you do if you were the coach? Why?

• Add: Is there someone on your team you’d like us to pray for?

Turning our hearts toward our children, even when there’s homework, chores, and activities, creates the space and affection to hear their hearts. And when our children speak from their hearts, let’s listen well.

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